i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
