OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it hurts more in the daytime
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
