so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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