i just google imaged poop.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
3 2 1 whiskey
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
