im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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