i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Your tits are I can't wait for
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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