When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
