the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
