For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize