I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
