Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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