The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
