it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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