Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I could make wine with my vomit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
