we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
