So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
