ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
