It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
