Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
