VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
