Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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