The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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