you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
