woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
