i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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