i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
