so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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