I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk is not a location!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
