I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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