Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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