i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
