in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't think brook has ever known best
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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