Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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