the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
