The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
