I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
