Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
