so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
