i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
