guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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