I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
