How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Damn victory sex feels great
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
