yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
