I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
