you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
