You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
