Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
