I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
