So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
