I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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