I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Randomize
