I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
