STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
